Blubbering Idiot

I am. I take after my mom. That is one of the wonderful traits that was passed on to me through DNA. I definitely cry over sad movies, sometimes when I hear a certain song, quite a bit when I watch a sappy commercial and surprisingly a lot over happy stuff as well. It sounds like I am a sobbing mess in front of my kids all the time but 95% of the time they aren't around. It's usually in the evening watching TV, praying, laying in bed or the middle of the night. The good news is I am starting to feel a little more in control of my life lately. I haven't been crying near as often and have been keeping my tones under control for a few weeks now (I'm trying not to think about how Christmas is gonna be). The girls have been making great progress as well. They are still sad sometimes and mention the kids everyday but Jayda's fits have gone down and Jase isn't crying for no apparent reason so much. I am feeling breakthroughs. I am getting better. The girls are getting better. Sean has surprised himself as well both good and bad. We are not "over it" yet but we are all starting to see and feel a bit more "normal". I love my babies. All of them. I miss our family as it was but I love my family as it is now. I am coming to terms with being a Mom of 2 not 4. It's weird, I didn't know that had become part of my identity until it wasn't anymore. I am now a proud Mom of 2. I will ALWAYS love them, miss them and wish things were different but they aren't. I am the proud Mom of 2 and that's ok.